Heavenly Father, I love You. Again. For once, in another form, I hated You. You dominated me. You condemned me. You saved me from men then once again You condemned me through the voices of men. transcribed scribbles of fraud, a rock made holy by tall tales. a local legend, the lost tribe found. separation & elevation of a chosen generation - special & above in those latter days. convenient revelations to excuse adulterous affairs with teenage girls. generations later, Alayna, daughter of Mary Ellen, daughter of Ruth, daughter of Josephine was borne into a marriage of sad chaos & sad complacency. the misogyny of mormonism robbed me of my spiritual connection with You. I turned against you, my Mother's misery a stark testament of the torture of your law. my own voiceless body trapped in the machinery of mormonism. shame flowed onto my body when curves emerged. I saw no value in my sexuality until my spirit fled my violation. then, when I called out for comfort, it was only the silent swan song of suicide that lulled me. my worthlessness was confirmed by the rape. certifiably shitty. I survived self targeted hits then found Goddess who saved me from myself. my heart, hard to men, began to open through Adam, Scot, Elie, Isaac until I began to see a haloed image of You, dear Father, gently cradling, fiercely protecting, infinitely understanding, eternally loving Me. peaceful strength imbues Me when I hear You. As I do now. After all these long decades, I found the You as I knew You at age 6, under the dining room table by Grandpa's knees. pleading in prayer to be the Queen of Sorry. years later my Blackberry Hunter Grandpa jested to me that me winning Sorry that long ago day made him believe once again that God is love. like Grandpa Ollie, I came back to You, just in another form. freed from dogma, You thrive in my heart. once my love for Goddess outshone my love for You. You entered the sanctuary of my heart reigning with Goddess over my thoughts & actions, singing: dear Alayna, You were loved all the while from above. sweet Alayna, You are loved every moment from above.