I hid in my cozy fat blanket for decades,
scared of you.
I slunk in the shadows,
a secret woman,
eyes downcast, heart shrouded.
criticism hidden inside love.
frightened by your gaze,
rank with desire.
shamed by you simply for being me –
for being girl,
shaped long and curvy by nature,
heavy or lean by food compulsion.
fearful of all the world because of you and your kind,
the lust hunters who destroyed a teenage girl,
ripped away her virginity then systematically obliterated her self-respect.
she lived in fear, in knowledge, that she was not special, she was not valued.
she was only meat. she was only a hole to be filled.
I’m over IT.
I’m over YOU.
I’m over DISRESPECT.
I’m over CRUDENESS.
I’m over YOU,
rude man, crude man, rude man, crude man.
your words, your eyes, your greedy gaze
no longer destroy me bit by bit.
Rude man, crude man, rude man, crude man,
power & control do not belong to you.
no king, no chief shall insult me because
I’m a daughter of the universe
beholden only to the will of Lord and Lady.
so, speak your nasty words, slime the world with your selfish intentions.
you will not have a place in my mind, in my heart, in my soul.
I am full of love and light.
I am full of God & Goddess.
I am full of sunshine & moonlight.
you do not have to respect me because
I respect myself.
I reject you.
I jog away, leaving you to mow your grass, trapped in your narrow, selfish lust.
I reject you.
Mama Brigid save me from anger at you because you are untrue.
no true man would ever disrespect a woman, smiling and jogging,
blissful in the strength and grace of her limbs, her muscles – her body.
no true man would speak such words or give naked, lustful stares.
no true man believes it is his right to dump his thoughts and desires about a woman’s body
onto her with no regard for politeness, respect, human dignity.
A true man loves me and I gladly returned his love.
I am blessed.
Mama Brigid, save me from being angry at and afraid of flawed men.