After

Look.
i wish so.
to smile.
now even as my body matures into a silent eclipse.

Wait.
i wish so.
to speak.
now even as my tongue grows fat with misery.

Stop.
i wish so.
to love.
now even as my heart gestates its own rape flowers.

perhaps truth expands
stretches follicles of meaning
to include even
i wish so
to be verbatim;
terrible logic monster –
ravenous sadistic –
denounces my heresy.

i am left in a tiny death garden
with tired memories sagging at the breasts.
the exhausted echoing ring of existence
smashes me slowly to a naked, crying shiver.
void of substance save for the empty guilt of rememberance.

they pasted me together.
one stitch two.
left me shoestringless upon an empty bed.

fancy fix wisdom

i popped pills for a pretty bearded nurse
appeasing all who mocked care to my shattered soul.

wound

unwound

i butchered for years
bleeding to feel
a concrete projection of my fables
with which i decorate so schemingly.

taste in my pain, lover
i need you to know.
understand.
what it is to partake in His selfish stew.
boiled to fucking perfection by his steady rape hand.
when i stare at the ceiling, lover, shapeshifting form
i can feel him you inside me
the past wails but silent i remain
i only said no once
his necrophiliac need mistook me for a mute whore
a corpse for him, unmoving cold.

please, oh my lover
dwell impartial in me to define clearly love
find me within, without and above
beauty comes not easily to me
but oh how i love, oh how i love.