Filling up Day Four

Tonight, an expanse of time awaits me. 2 hours or even all the hours of the night if I insanely ignore HP & decide to drink.

My son is asleep, so my addictions come out to play. I named my addiction Umbra. I shall share the poem with you in a separate post.

Tonight, I need to say that I am filling up Day Four. I am focusing on the time I have tonight. I have time to create and daydream. I have time to write and celebrate the wonderful bliss of life.

I talked to my Dad on the phone tonight wishing him a belated Father’s Day. It’s one of the few times I have called him for Father’s Day(ish). My anger choked my words before OA. Before the 12 steps, anger, fear, depression & anxiety ruled my life along with a shit ton of other defects.

But tonight, I called my Dad. We talked about fishing and said, “I love you.” It’s a good night. I am filling up my day 4 with good memories. I willingly give myself to Brigid. I allow her light to fill day four.

Disease would rob me of conversations with my Dad. Disease would strip away joy, power & peace from my life till I was once again huddled in a closet downing pills.

Disease would kill me.

Higher Power saves me. Twelve Steps save me. Honesty, willingness and an open mind save me. Fellowship saves me. Abstinence saves me.

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