So I here I am in day 2 of abstinence. My periods of abstinence have been chaotic ever since I entered program 9 months ago. I defined my abstinence 7 months ago.
I eat 3 meals & 2 snacks. I text my food to my sponsor in the mornings most of the time. My food is wheat free and sugar free most of the time. I do not drink alcohol at home. I can not be trusted not to drink & binge eat which invariably happens. I eat sitting at a table most of the time. I can not eat in the bed or standing in kitchen. If I eat standing, I graze for 5 minutes, like a person stunned by food. I eat fast food very rarely and only eat wheat free, sugar free when I have to eat fast food because of what family wants.
My main time to binge is at night, so I call my sponsor every night after I get my son to sleep. I leave voice messages of my plan for an abstinent evening if she doesn’t answer. I work a 10th step if necessary on the OA app.
My plan of action is an arsenal of self care techniques. I blog, sculpt, paint, draw, write poetry, journal, deep breathing, therapy techniques and reach out to other OAs and my loved ones. I would like to add my exercise into my self care. I believe yoga is my best option as I live in an urban environment. I don’t feel safe exercising at night on the streets. So indoors or in the backyard is my gym. I have a yoga mat and have practiced in the past. I am nervous making fitness a part of my program because I abused exercise in the past. Brigid tells me yoga will heal me. It will be gentle enough to not trigger the exercise compulsion and related guilt. Brigid will lead the way for me.
I am so thankful for Higher Power, 12 steps & fellowship.