What is complete abstinence?
It is zero slips. It is the act of refraining from my trigger food behaviors and trigger foods 100% of the time.
I have had complete abstinence for the past few weeks, and I am working the steps ‘like my hair is on fire’.
I had countless slips and relapses in the this program. And I am completely sick of restarting. I thought for so long that consistent abstinence was enough. I thought maintaining 100 pound weight loss was enough. I thought working the steps umpteen times even while slipping was enough.
It wasn’t enough.
I continued to be obsessed, caught in the endless cycle of the inevitable binge.
Because I never worked the steps completely abstinent. I always plowed ahead no matter what.
I see now that plowing ahead through slips was not the answer. I am thankful for stumbling on an OA Big Book speaker on YouTube and hearing about the Vision For You phone meetings.
For the first time, I have hope that I can have COMPLETE abstinence and that I can also enjoy food neutrality – freedom from food obsession. I have worked steps 1-4 COMPLETELY abstinent for the first time. Part of me is scared working the steps abstinent won’t work for me, but I have to trust that what worked for others will also work for me.
So just for today, I commit to complete abstinence and working the steps to the best of my ability.