Step three is the decision to turn over my will and life to the care of Higher Power. As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, the idea of Higher Power being True North and the other 359 degrees of the compass being my self will speaks to me on many levels.
The Big Book discusses step three in terms of selfishness and points out that wanting life my way has done nothing for me except place me in a position to be hurt. Please see Lawrie’s workbook for a fuller discussion of selfishness (oabigbook.info).
In my experience, selfishness (wanting life my way) does indeed warp my ability to enjoy even the good parts of life. Because I wanted them to go even better!
Take my relapse on Christmas Eve, my husband had already bought and wrapped presents and after initially forgetting that he had stocking stuffers, remembered that he had indeed bought a few things. But because my stocking wouldn’t be FULL, I was unhappy, resentful and unable to see the wonderful gift he gave me of thinking of me ahead of time even while working 12-14 hour days.
And the selfishness led to the food because I did not turn to HP and the steps.
That was my self will and it ran riot straight into the food.
Just for today, I make the decision to turn over my will and life to my True North, may I go in the recovered direction, one moment at a time.