As the blessing of abstinence continues for me, I find myself needing Spirit to remind me that I am abstinent to be in more fit spiritual condition, so I may be more useful to others. The physical changes are simply a natural byproduct of abstinence for compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors. I find my […]
Tag: Willingness
Yoga Humility
Spirit continues to amaze me with abstinence dependent upon my fit spiritual condition for the day. I am responsible for the footwork and attitude needed for abstinence to exist on a daily basis. Abstinence imparts clarity and perspective impossible when food drunk. Clarity in turn bestows gifts or self-awareness and gradual self-acceptance as I surrender […]
Patience & Self Acceptance
Today, I am focusing on the principles of Patience & Self Acceptance. I ask for both of them in my life, so I may be more useful to those around me. Without them, my ability to be abstinent decreases because my connection with HP decreases. I seek to keep in constant conscious contact with HP […]
My Vertebrae Story
I don’t know what it is. It rattles inside, bones stacked upon bones, curved and twisted. Its story peers sometimes from around the edges of fairy wings. Waves hello, then is lost among the miasma of raw emotions, the stagnant cesspool of anger – fear – sadness – – – – – the charm of […]
Snakes:My Addiction Nightmare
Dreams lead to knowing through the darkness of unknowing. The irrational and fantastic beasts and situations stem from a place deep inside – a place desperately needing attention and release; a place of instinct and innate wisdom; a place of fear and love; a place of being. The snakes are made strong by us. They […]
Causes & Conditions
Abstinence for me is a blessed reprieve in the chaos of life. Unfortunately, my pattern over the last 20 months in OA is to sabotage that reprieve and make my abstinence as shitty as I think I deserve. Pygmalion effect, right? yep. So today, I rooted down through my fear and anger about being abstinent. […]
Act as if
Act as if I am secure in trust, faith, and hope. Act as if I accept my powerlessness over The depression that fades my mother to a ghost of herself, A shade welcoming the shadows, A mother disappearing into disease. Act as if I accept my powerlessness over The addiction that changes my husband From […]
Mama Brigid, Please Save Me From Relapse
umbra, moon shadow, you burn, you numb, you entice me to Sacrifice MY life upon your altar of fear and anger, resentment and impatience, selfishness and unworthiness. I feed you in a frenzy, open mouthed and ravenous in the dark, in the dim white electric void of the tomb of food, casket of chaos and […]
Footwork
One, two, make a call. Three, four, do service y’all. Five, six, sponsors rock. Seven, eight meetings roll. Nine, ten write again. I am tired and thankfully feeling silly. I turned on the device to muse about footwork in program. I read the phrase, “doing the footwork” three times tonight as I flipped through Just […]
Filling up Day Four
Tonight, an expanse of time awaits me. 2 hours or even all the hours of the night if I insanely ignore HP & decide to drink. My son is asleep, so my addictions come out to play. I named my addiction Umbra. I shall share the poem with you in a separate post. Tonight, I […]
