I don’t know what it is. It rattles inside, bones stacked upon bones, curved and twisted. Its story peers sometimes from around the edges of fairy wings. Waves hello, then is lost among the miasma of raw emotions, the stagnant cesspool of anger – fear – sadness – – – – – the charm of […]
Tag: Willingness
Snakes:My Addiction Nightmare
Dreams lead to knowing through the darkness of unknowing. The irrational and fantastic beasts and situations stem from a place deep inside – a place desperately needing attention and release; a place of instinct and innate wisdom; a place of fear and love; a place of being. The snakes are made strong by us. They […]
Causes & Conditions
Abstinence for me is a blessed reprieve in the chaos of life. Unfortunately, my pattern over the last 20 months in OA is to sabotage that reprieve and make my abstinence as shitty as I think I deserve. Pygmalion effect, right? yep. So today, I rooted down through my fear and anger about being abstinent. […]
Act as if
Act as if I am secure in trust, faith, and hope. Act as if I accept my powerlessness over The depression that fades my mother to a ghost of herself, A shade welcoming the shadows, A mother disappearing into disease. Act as if I accept my powerlessness over The addiction that changes my husband From […]
Mama Brigid, Please Save Me From Relapse
umbra, moon shadow, you burn, you numb, you entice me to Sacrifice MY life upon your altar of fear and anger, resentment and impatience, selfishness and unworthiness. I feed you in a frenzy, open mouthed and ravenous in the dark, in the dim white electric void of the tomb of food, casket of chaos and […]
Footwork
One, two, make a call. Three, four, do service y’all. Five, six, sponsors rock. Seven, eight meetings roll. Nine, ten write again. I am tired and thankfully feeling silly. I turned on the device to muse about footwork in program. I read the phrase, “doing the footwork” three times tonight as I flipped through Just […]
Filling up Day Four
Tonight, an expanse of time awaits me. 2 hours or even all the hours of the night if I insanely ignore HP & decide to drink. My son is asleep, so my addictions come out to play. I named my addiction Umbra. I shall share the poem with you in a separate post. Tonight, I […]
