When I first joined OA, I was amazed to learn all the ways I identified with Bill W as a Compulsive Eater and alcoholic. My life was very different than his, but the overall arc was the same. I feel different. I didn’t belong. So I turned to food. Later, like Bill, I discovered alcohol […]
Tag: compulsive eating
The Doctor’s Opinion & Complete Abstinence
Christmas Eve I had a relapse. I was resting on spiritual laurels and not rigorously honest through 10th steps. Thus, the insanely trivial upset of my husband forgetting enough stuffers to fill my stocking triggered the obsession and sanity did not return, I did not turn to HP or the steps and tools of OA. […]
Day 364
Today is day 364 of consistent, continuous abstinence. Day 1. Day 3. Day 46. Day 59. They were all were one day at a time. Day 364 is one day at a time. 3-6-4 Eve of 1. Eve of 1 year of continuous abstinence. 1 year, 365 days, made possible by living one day at […]
100 Pounds Released
The scale this morning at the doctor’s office confirmed my suspicion that I have released 100 pounds since beginning OA in September 2014. To have released so much with so little stress and anxiety is simply a miracle. For the first time in my life, I am getting healthier one day at a time and […]
90 Days
For the first time since entering the OA rooms nearly 2 years ago, I have 90 days of abstinence. I feel so blessed and grateful for the abstinence. Likewise, I am grateful for the foundation of the steps, the support of the fellowship, and the continual presence of HP which all made this possible. One […]
Cliff of Sabotage
Yes, dramatic. There I am, peering over into the abyss of sabotage, self-hate and compulsive eating. Tomorrow makes 30 days (2 slips) of abstinence. I feel like I am about to come apart, my skin flying off into the atmosphere while my feelings remain earthbound, riveted by pain instead of gravity. I want to disappear […]
Drop the Rock, Step 6 Response: Part 1
Drop the Rock is a beautiful and dense book full of profound insights and directions regarding steps 6 & 7. As I have read, reread and reread the Step 6 section, I have begun to slowly understand the need for and the actions to work step 6. When we honestly work steps 6 & 7, […]
My Vertebrae Story
I don’t know what it is. It rattles inside, bones stacked upon bones, curved and twisted. Its story peers sometimes from around the edges of fairy wings. Waves hello, then is lost among the miasma of raw emotions, the stagnant cesspool of anger – fear – sadness – – – – – the charm of […]
Food Mess = Mental Mess
When food plans change or become messy, the mess goes directly directly into my brain and stress level skyrockets. I depend on my food to be predictable, so my life revolves around recovery instead of food. But then life happens. People get stuck in traffic. Compulsive eaters have to wait for dinner. I improvise by […]
My Story
I was borne of mutilation: my arm roughly pulled through Mom’s birth canal then her belly flayed open horizontally and vertically when the doctor realized she had grabbed my hand, not my foot. I was pulled into life, confused and alone, my mother dead. Blessedly, she was revived 5 minutes later full of life and […]
