Yes, dramatic. There I am, peering over into the abyss of sabotage, self-hate and compulsive eating. Tomorrow makes 30 days (2 slips) of abstinence. I feel like I am about to come apart, my skin flying off into the atmosphere while my feelings remain earthbound, riveted by pain instead of gravity. I want to disappear […]
Tag: Brigid
My Vertebrae Story
I don’t know what it is. It rattles inside, bones stacked upon bones, curved and twisted. Its story peers sometimes from around the edges of fairy wings. Waves hello, then is lost among the miasma of raw emotions, the stagnant cesspool of anger – fear – sadness – – – – – the charm of […]
Act as if
Act as if I am secure in trust, faith, and hope. Act as if I accept my powerlessness over The depression that fades my mother to a ghost of herself, A shade welcoming the shadows, A mother disappearing into disease. Act as if I accept my powerlessness over The addiction that changes my husband From […]
What’s Like to Lose 80 Pounds – for the 5th Time
Scary. Life changing. Scary. I have another 80 to release to be at a healthy BMI. Just for today, I am willing to hand it over to Brigid, Divine Mother, Healer of all wounds, Creative Fount of all inspiration, Courageous Mother, Forge of Strength. I can feel my collarbone. It has become a worry bone. […]
Victory
Ego A, ego A, always, always ego A. End of day, start of day, always, always ego A. Control, control, me, me, me, always, always ego A. Ego A, go away, ego A, do as I say! Ego A, why did you not go away? Ego A, ego A, now? I pray! Mama B, Mama […]
Hooray for Today
My son made a gingerbread house decorated with abstinence killers. B Devil Ment made the trimmings glitter and shine tonight. Each candy cane a promise of sugary oblivion. Each chocolate a ticket to a mind quiet from pain. Mama Brigid granted me a miracle of pulling out phone and having a text from OA friend. […]
Heavenly Father, Lost & Found
Heavenly Father, I love You. Again. For once, in another form, I hated You. You dominated me. You condemned me. You saved me from men then once again You condemned me through the voices of men. transcribed scribbles of fraud, a rock made holy by tall tales. a local legend, the lost tribe found. separation […]
Woman, Angry, Speaks
I hid in my cozy fat blanket for decades, scared of you. I slunk in the shadows, a secret woman, eyes downcast, heart shrouded. subjugation through exploding compliments, criticism hidden inside love. frightened by your gaze, rank with desire. shamed by you simply for being me – for being girl, shaped long and curvy by nature, […]
Torture Expulsion
I am a rape survivor. I am a strong, kick ass woman. I am worth the pain of feeling my feelings. I am worth the effort of processing my feelings instead of smothering them in gravy or whatever food I put into my bingy mouth. Brigid save me. Brigid give me strength to share the […]
Rainbow Water Healing
I posted a poem about the image of rainbow water a few days ago, and I feel a strong desire to explain how the image came to me and WHY the image is so important to me & my recovery. The rainbow water visualization spurred the beginning of inner healing for me. As long as […]
