I am doing a sixth and seventh step study with my sponsor using Drop the Rock. When I apply myself to being in contact with Higher Power and striving to live the principles, glorious things happen like the gem of today.
It was a sweet day with my husband and child. We swam in the lake and enjoyed each other’s company a lot. Remembering my blessings and asking HP to help me useful and show me the way to peace and serenity.
While I was doing side plank tonight during yoga, I thought about my shrinking body. Saying goodbye to my security blanket. My barbed wire flesh blanket. Being morbidly obese did have huge payoffs for me. It helped me be invisible. It caused me to have huge reasons for hating myself as well. Hating myself was my favorite. Now I strive to be patient and kind to myself. I am worthy of being human and forgiving myself. Letting God have this mess of my life and being freed of food and body obsession. I say it and sometimes I even mean it. I am practicing.
I serve HP by being abstinent and following through with my action plan which includes keeping up with schoolwork and an exercise routine. The exercise strengthens me and puts me in contact with my body and HP at the same time. What a blessing to finally realize this fact.
I believe I will likely always have bat wings of some sort and that is fine. My bat wings are my battle scars of my war with morbid obesity. Compulsive eating is a deadly disease. It is slowly killing my mother who is morbidly obese. She has had double knee replacement, and diabetes for 15 years. Compulsive eating kills. Not on the death certificate but in reality. Heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, joint problems, mobility problems and all the emotional pain of being morbidly obese in our society. My son has been teased because I am obese. Compulsive eating sucks.
I will soar on my bat wings and thank HP for the solution of the Twelve Steps.